Wednesday, July 26, 2006

A Farewell to Arms

Well, here's how it is going to go down today. I, having been predestined before the foundations of the world, quit my job on Monday. God required it of me as a sign of obediance and a step towards surrounding myself with people who will up lift me. This is a good thing. I look forward to no longer being in retail, let alone the dispicable industry of car audio. However, it has been so very good to me. I have made good money, met terribly interesting people and have alot of good stories. With this in mind, and as a celebration of my last 8 days here, I wish to share some of these amazing stories with you.

1) Killing in the name of...

I once had a gentlemen who desired to have his stereo installed, I was kind enough to oblige him even though his product was awful. When he returned and listened to it he was greatly unsatisfied because it "dont sound right, dawg". I tell him, like I told him in the beginning, that his product is bad, but does he listen? No. It's not like I'm the professional or anything. When he finds that I will do nothing for him, he proceeds by threatening to kill me. Yes, you heard me right. Someone threatened to kill because their stereo did not sound right.

2) Last dance...

Think '92 Caprice Classic... by all means it is what we would affectionately call a hoopty. I match this guy up with subs and an amp, get the paper work done, grab the keys, jump in the car and I got pegged with an overwhelming aroma. What was this aroma might you ask? Trees. When you deal with the customers I do it is by no means a foreign scent. Having know immeadiately what this smell was, I began looking about the car for its source. To my suprise I had no further to go than the backseat. There, in plain view, wrapped in a Wal-Mart sack was 13 1 ounce bags of pot and countless 8ths. Needless to say, I left it alone.

Things I won't miss, but am going to write is if I will....

1) What kind of tents?

I will truly miss walking into my stock room and being overrun by the scent of weed pouring through the wall that seperates me and the muzic shoppe. You all know me, I love that second-hand pot smoke.

2) Is eubonics an official language yet?

If it is, then I should get three credit hours for it. No, wait. I am atleast at an intermediate level, so I should atleast get 6 hours for it. If you have ever had a job where every day you are guaranteed to be refered to as "G" "homes" "Pimp" "Dawg" "Family" "Nigga" "niggrah" "nig" "Nizzel" "dizzel" or have ever been told in loud volumes that you need to "help me git ma sisim' hooked up, niga!" or " I need ma beats up in ma sled, dawg" or " Why'd jew gotta b taxin' like dat fo, family? y'all always bin high" ( THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK) If you have ever had to experience such a situation, I salute you. You are truly a remarkable being if you have made it through such a circumstance alive.

These are just a few of my stories and peeves be sure to check back soon as I wrap up the last 8 days in yours and my favorite industry... mobile electronics.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My life in retail

What do you write about on a post on a blog that no one reads? I suppose what ever you want. Only catch with that is, that I do not want to write anything. I am just desperately bored. What here's a customer....brb. Wait he only wants to look. If you have a few moments to kill, I'd like to share with you my biggest pet peeves of the retail industry. Let me predecese this by saying that I have decided to put great effort into getting out of this aforementioned industry because of these reasons. Nonetheless, here we go.

1) I hate customers. One of the most important parts of being in retail is actually liking customers...well people at least. I don't. This does pose a problem when your primary job function is selling to mostly people. ( a few of the things I sell to I would have a hard time calling people) Why do I hate customers one might ask?

A) they are generally unintelligent. Its ok to not be knowledgable about product, but to get mad when you (the customer) don't understand something, or act as if you have "been doin' this for years!" . Sure you have... you have spent the last 20 years of your life digging sewer trenches and looking oh so forward to friday nights so you can watch a baboon named Batisita fake-beat someone up. Thats what you've done. You don't know the first thing about mobile electronics.

B) Customers are desperately rude. My favorite situation is when the customer walks in and you (the employee) ask if you can help them and they say "no, but I do have a few questions". Does that not qualify as help? Or... even better. As I stand here at the sales counter more than willing to be of assistance to someone, instead of asking for help, they motion to you with crude gestures as if you are a canine that would beckon to such movement. That costs them atleat 20 bucks more everytime. More rudeness... since when did it become ok to interupt the guy who is helping you such that you can answer your cell phone. Unless you are a doctor or you mother is dying, save it for later.

2) Customers are not the only bad part of retail. There is also the trouble of employers, my pay check due on the 1st not coming until the 5th, ignorant product reps, no raise in 2 years...etc.

This are only a few of the overall reasons why I want out. Do I sound jaded? Yes, largely. All I can say is that want out... as soon as possible.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Sorority! More like BORORITY!

Well... I hardly ever post....and people hardly ever read, so I suppose it all goes hand in hand. However, a situation that occurred today in Dustin and my logic class warrants special attention. Most every lower level class has that one girl... you know the one. Generally blonde... always wearing stupid fads(i.e. GIANT goggles and/or boots) and most like something that has her Greek letters on it. Well, PHI 120 with Paul Boyles has just this girl. While most of the year her behavior has not warranted particular ridicule, though her clothes have. However, today's questions about the final made up for a semester of lacking.
Here is the set-up... Prof gives about a 2 minute run through on what we need for the CUMULATIVE final. (Keep that bold word in mind) And in this overview he tells us that there will be something from every section on it. ***Hand raises*** We look to see Sorority Girl's body attached to it. "Ummm... will the Aristodolin Square be on it?" If any one has taken logic, or atleast knows something of linguistics, they would know something attributed to Aristotle would be Aristotelian, consequently, the Aristotelian Square. It gets better though... Following her butchery of the logistical term, she proceeds to ask,****(Keep in mind the 2 minute overview and the highlighted word)*** "Now.... if we study all the stuff from the first two tests and the stuff we are doing now, will we be good for the final?" Obviously, this preceeding three months of this semester of logic and reasoning have done wonders for this girl. I laughed for the last three minutes of class... quite obviously if not completely audibly as well. Nonetheless, I just wanted to share this moment with all those who might come across this blog. It made my morning.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Postmaster Delivers

I am very excited to annouce to you guys the best news I have had all week! This coming Sunday represents a crucial mark in cinematic history. Think of any movie... literally, any movie and I guarentee your choice will pale in comparison to what I am about to reveal to you!

The highly esteemed Hallmark Entertainment Channel is bringing to the airwaves a gripping and telling Hallmark original movie called Supernova!!

An astrophysicist has made a cataclysmic discovery: The sun is set to explode, bringing about the end of civilization. As a team of fellow scientists race against time to stop his predictions of apocalypse from coming true, the world is already becoming a whirling inferno out of control.

Yes, I am sure you have guessed right, it is an apocolyptic tale of the end of the world!! Now... I know what youa re thinking "There are tons of movies out there that have spent millions of dollars on that same plot, they are totally going to be better than a TV movie". You are wrong!! WRONG. For two reasons:

Fact Number one: No mind with the high calibur of creative genius like Hallmark Entertainment has ever been put into such a film! You might object saying "These other movies spent tons of money on special effects that were really cool, thats hard to beat"

Fact number two: Yes these other movies put tons of money into special effects, but that left no money for quality actors, I mean look at the clowns that have starred in these apocolyptic Hollywood films: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Owen Wilson, Dennis Quaid, Ben Affleck, Jake Gyllenhaal. I say "Bruce who? Thornton what?" Hallmark Entertainment has a different philosophy: don't waste money on unneeded, high budget "special effects", instead bring in quality actors who have stood the test of time.

First up: Luke Perry- lead role in Supernova as astrophysicist- Brilliant in 90210, as we all know. Also he is accredited with many indepent films that were truly moving like, The Enemy", a spy thriller opposite Roger Moore, and "Fogbound", a pyscho-sexual thriller.

Secondly: Tia Carree-

plays love interest etc- Who can forget her riviting performance in Waynes World, lest we forget, Waynes World 2. Also, True Lies opposite you favorite actor/goverenator and mine, Arnold Swartzenager.

Thirdly, and in my opinion, the wisest of choices- Peter Fonda.

With over 40 years of outstanding performances, a veteren like this is what truly makes movie like Supernova take off!
From his earliest roles in Easy Rider, to Cannonball Run opposite Burt Reynolds(AKA Terd Ferguson), to Fonda's latest appearence in the blockbuster, a Thief of Time.

These three actors, though they must have cost Hallmark a fortune, are the reason a movie like Supernova with surpass all others of its genre. It will the standard by which all apocolyptic movies that come after it are measured. So be sure to set your VCR's to record this brilliant film this sunday!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Is Trick or Treating a Sport?

Well, here I am again, after a long, unplanned hiatus from writing on this accursed blog. It is really late.... like 3 o' clock in the morning late. Some of you may wonder what in the world I am doing up at this hour, the answer is simple...School. In particular, a paper. I used to think I was really good at writing papers late at night, but after tonight and my sad display of creative abilities I think I will retract that statement. It is when you type a sentance that contains, and does so seriously, "Conjurer's of cheap tricks..." that you know you are done. You can no get any worse than a sentance like that for what was supposed to be a scholarly paper. What will my classics professor do when he reads a line like that? F+?? Oh well.

In other exciting news, I am pleased to announce that Halloween is coming up. Not that I ultimately care, for I do nothing for this holiday. Used to be, when I lived with my parents, my mother would fix up little baggies full of candy and "tracts" to hand out to all the kids in our neighborhood. I always thought that was kind of funny. I think we should have just put up tons of Christmas decorations like a giant live manger scene or something of the sort to combat all of the goblin type that were canvasing our streets with intent to cure their insatiable sweet tooths. However, I was home this weekend, and as such I was going though many old e-mails when I came across an old friend. It was titled, "Chris' Annual Halloween Picture" I thought I would share it with you guys......... ( How childish I must have been...)

I think the pciture really speaks for itself, so I am going to bed now.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hand Me My Cape....

What comes to mind when someone talks about modern day heroes? Maybe your mind drifts to the fictional realm of Clark Kent changing into ridiculous tights, or Batman sheathing himself in armor and a mask. On the other hand, you may fall into more realistic realms; say Ronald Reagon and his amazing domestic and foreign policies or Detective Stabler keepin' the streets of NY safe. (I don't care what anyone says, I think a cop that cool has to be real.)
Now, if I asked you what all of these heroes had in common what would you answer? "Oh umm... they all did heroic things?" Well.... yes, but thats not what we are looking for... The fact is, that none of them are here! That is, not in Lexington! "OH NO! What will we do? We have no one to watch over our well being!?!?" Do not fear my fair citizens, for I am here to tell you that two men have arisen to the task. Yes, you have heard me correctly. Lexington now has its own dynamic duo. Though they do not fight crime, or bring criminals to justice, they do right one grave wrong. This is there story.
You might find these two brave men at the Limestone Chipotle patio most every M/W/F. They sit, they eat, and they watch. Under the guise of college students, the duo surveys the neighboring McDonald's parking lot in order that they may rescue innocent victims from the ominous threat of (Dom dom dom...)Metro Towing.
One afternoon, before this team had realized its collective powers, they sat and ate their chips and salsa upon the patio. To their dismay, poor confused patrons of the Chipotle establishment mistakenly parked their vehicles in the McDonald's parking lot, only to find their car on the back of a tow truck in the matter of mere minutes. After being informed by the management of Chipotle that McD's pays two girls to sit in a Jeep and call tow trucks on the Chipotle patrons...ONLY after these "dark watchers of death" place a decoy car (and sometimes TWO!!) in the places next to the fine mexican food restaurant, such that unsuspecting customers of the later will feel more comfortable with their subject parking. Upon hearing of this great unjustice, the two men knew what must be done!
The duo found the strength within themselves to battle against the evil Parking Lot Overlords, free the patrons of Chipotle, and enlighten customers as to the location of tow-free parking! All of this, from the goodness of their heroic hearts but only on M/W/F and only from 11-12.
So! Do not fear, fair city, for heroes do lurk amongst you! And know that they have your best interest (atleast for parking) in mind! Their tales are many and long, (such that I do not have time to spin them for you tonight) so check back often for updates on the creed and mission of these great modern day heroes.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Red Carpet

Tonight is the night!! For those of you who do not know of what I am speaking; it is the night of Season Premiers. Yes, you heard me right. Law and Order SVU and The Office are coming up strong this evening. First of all, everyone knows how powerful a force a season premier can be; they set the bar for the rest of the season. Might I say, that the bar has been set high! So lets do a little straight shooting about this weeks top shows.

First off. Who could not be excited about the return of The Office? It is so much better than the other run of the mill sitcoms. It is refereshing to see comedy that can be new and original, and also manage to be edgy while retaining couth. My hat is off to The Office. If you haven't seen it yet, try catching it next week. If you are going to watch TV, it is one of the best ways you could spend 30 minutes. However, just as a disclaimer, I would still recommend reading a book any day, over watching any TV show. Even still, this show is great.

Secondly, Law and Order: SVU. This still happens to be one of my favorite shows on TV. You just can't say know to the likes of STabler and Ice-T! Esspecially when it was the first episode of the year!! Detective Stabler had to go undercover as a sex offender such that he could buddy up with and then bust a rapist. ( RCU!!! Right Wes?) This premier kept me on the edge of my couch for the full hour. SVU has definitely got it this year.

In other such news, has any one checked out the show Supernatural? Now, mind you, I know what you might be thinking. "isn't that show on the WB?" Yes. It is. But do not tune me out yet. It truly is quality programming.( despite its proprietor) It has the sound/special effects of a good scarey movie, but its plot line is 10 times better than any "scarey" movie that has come out in the past 2 years. PLus, it is every week! If you are a fan of creepy/horror/ suspense like stuff, it is a must.

Anyway, I am done ranting about TV. And truly, read a book, talk to your mom or dad, if you have the extra time. Its much more rewarding than TV, but if you have the extra time, check one of these shows out. They've got my thumbs up, so what else do you need?